I can’t believe I’m at the airport ( I remember booking this trip a year ago! ), bag checked in, officially unemployed, about to embark on a 9 week journey in the south of India, starting with a 30 day intensive yoga teacher training course, what was I thinking? As I type this I already feel incredibly exhausted!
And no wonder, the last few months for me have been an epic display of burning myself out, behaving in ways that I wouldn’t particularly class as loving towards myself. Maybe I was trying to distract myself from the fact that I had resigned from my well paid job of 5 years to go spend 2 months overseas in a third world country that people keep telling me is not safe and will blow my mind ( in good ways and bad )!
Whatever the reason, I have been looking for love and comfort in all the wrong places. I have kept my social calendar busy with way too many Tinder dates, trying to find a fix through feeling desired by emotionally unavailable men. Red wine has somehow become a daily part of my diet. I can’t remember the last time I actually cooked something decent at home. I have been out most nights keeping myself busy/distracted. And for the first time, in a long time, I am actually looking forward to getting on the plane so I can stop, put the phone and internet away and do nothing. NOTHING. Just me and my thoughts. India is now in charge, and all I need to do is get off the plane in Chennai and be open to all the life lessons she will throw my way, good and bad.
Working full time as a Personal Assistant/ Administrator, a majority of my waking life is spent organising everyone and everything, which I guess has made me somewhat of a control freak? I have decided to embark on this trip, not for just a month, but 2 months so I can work on letting go of this need to control my life down to the second! Instead, I want India to tell me what to do. Show me what I need to know. Teach me what’s really important. Make me feel and understand with my heart and mind, that the real source of love is not from external objects, like men on Tinder and a glass of shiraz, it’s from knowing who you really are, pure conscious awareness and then loving yourself wholeheartedly.
This is my story I am going to share with you all. This is what todayiloved is all about. Learning how to be in love with Self in the present moment and watching it then expand.
Time to go jump on the plane, sleep and then wake up on the other side! Yep, I am a little bit excited!!!