I realised on the weekend that I have two other additions, drinking an extra hot soy latte with friends and retail therapy ( instant purchase shopping ) in the city, both ideal to induldge in on a gorgeous long weekend, which is exactly how it was spent!
Another party, another soda, im starting to feel like I’m running out of interesting things to say now that ive past half way, actually today is 7 months, yah..good for me? I dont know, im starting to question myself, it never changes, every week I find myself in a situation whereby I have to say no to alcohol and there is still a part of me that wants to say yes, wants to throw in the towl and join everyone else again, especially when the booze is free!
But I won’t, because I made a commitment to myself to be sober for an entire year, and really, whats another 5 months of having sodas?? Its nothing compared to the amount of booze ill most likely consume in my lifetime once I pick up that glass of wine again.
Have I become the freak of nature now that i’ve chosen not to drink? It seems that my date on Wednesday felt it was more important a few days later to ask me more questions, via text, about my sobriety lifestyle change, even though I explained it all to him honestly during the course of our date. By answering his questions, via text, I felt like I was taking part in a personality psych test ( which it seems I failed ) rather than a much prefered post date phone call to make plans to see each other again!
It seems that by doing something good for my body and mind has made me, for some, somewhat difficult to date! Please… my response ( in my mind ) is thank you for your bullshit texts as you’ve just helped me fine tune the sort of guy I really want to date. If a guy chooses to judge me on my drinking habits only, when I know I have so much more to offer, then it says a lot about what he values, which seems to be dating someone who drinks spirits, wine or beer. And hey, that’s fine, each to their own, i used to drink booze all the time however, right now, during this process my ideal date will respect all my choices ( including being vegetarian- dont even get me started on this ) without thinking there is a deeper darker issue underneath.
Another week, another situation whereby booze was a highlight that had to be missed! This week I headed out to a Valentines Day singles party on Friday night with my gorgeous single friend! It was $15 a ticket which, of course, included a free drink!
So once again I used my free drink card for a soda and dug deep for my inner confidence and charm to shine when talking to a room full of single men! The plus side of mingling with strangers when your sober is that you are 100% clear of the conversations your having, you dont say anything stupid and your not wearing beer googles, so when you wake up the next day you actually remember if you’re attracted to the cute guy who asked for your number at the event!
I don’t want to delve too deeply in to the events of the past week however lets just say, ‘anxiety and frustration’ ( my two favourite emotions ) really took centre stage!! I felt like id become a highly trained psychologist trying to over analyze every thought that entered my brain. By Friday afternoon I felt mentally drained and its no surprise that when it came to afterwork drinks, I was trying to imagine what wine would taste like instead of soda, yep…I envied my alcohol consuming friends!
But thats just it, once again I was trying to deal with my uncomfortable shitty emotions with a substance that would only suppress them again. At least I can be honest during this process, some weeks its not easy, all you want is to do is do what everyone else does, which is drink! Its a raw experiment being sober 12 months, it cuts through and gets dirty, which is why im doing it I guess, learning new healthy ways to cope and feel!
I live in a country that has the saying “Its unaustralian to not have a beer!” so to celebrate Australia Day on January 26th sober, it honestly felt pretty isolating, unaustralian and shit. Watching ( what seemed ) every single person around me in crowds enjoying booze, it once again, really questioned my reasons for wanting to continue 12 months of sobriety.
I officially made it to 6 months today, that’s half way, a pretty good effort yeah, so in saying that, could it be an ok time to quit and start drinking again??
Well I could if I wanted, I’m not raising money for charity or have anyone tracking my progess each week. But to come this far and throw in the towl for a 1 drink would be a disservice to the goal I set myself for a year. I wanted to see if I could survive any situation life throwed at me over 12 months without needing a wine, cider, vodka or beer!