If he doesn’t want a relationship, he’s not the one

I’ve experienced this moment so many times before, I thought I was an expert at reading the signs, but this time it was different, we were really happy, he was pulling me closer rather than pushing me away.

Honestly, I was shocked when over the weekend when things were going really well, the guy I was opening up my heart to, proceeded to then tell me… ‘Look, I’m just not ready to be in a relationship, so I feel it’s best we don’t see each other anymore.’ What!? Are you serious!? Really? Wow!

As I now take time to process it all ( during the no contact phase ), my mind wants to relive all the moments where he made me believe he was ready for a relationship, where he talked about the future with me involved, where he told me he wanted to spend every day with me, where we effortlessly shared our lives together whether it was face to face, text or on the phone.

The moments where he invited me to meet his friends and family, where he told me he wanted to take care of me, where he wrote and played me a song on his guitar and then commented that he would play it at our wedding one day?! Yes! I’m sorry, but don’t say that to someone if you are not wanting to be in a relationship with them!?

But most of all my mind wants to relive all the moments where he smiled at me when looking in my eyes, where he held me in his arms and gently kissed me, where he told me I was beautiful, told me how happy I made him feel, that I made him smile and laugh, that being with me was easy and enjoyable and he didn’t expect to feel this way for someone so soon.

So… the million dollar question every girls asks when she gets blindsided by a guy who acts like he is a relationship with you, and then calls it quits and walks out your door. What the hell happened, what went wrong?

In the past I would blame myself, telling myself I should have done this, I shouldn’t have done that, or the worst one of all … he broke it off with me because I wasn’t good looking enough ( a reoccurring belief I have that loves to come to the surface every time a relationship fails )

Well, this is where the story changes. This time around, I chose to not blame myself, but instead trust that the reason why this happened is because the Universe was doing me a big fat favour!

I am ready to be in a loving relationship, and if the guy I am seeing isn’t on the same page, then of course it makes sense that we don’t spend anymore time together. Yes it feels really shitty because there were so many good things that were working well, but if he is not ready for love, then I’m actually thankful he chose to end our time together after 2 months in!

So my advice to anyone that is reading this, and is experiencing a blindsided break up, be grateful that your heart is now free to be attracted to the right guy who is ready for love. It doesn’t matter how many boxes your current man ticks, if he doesn’t tick the box that’s emotionally available and ready to love you, then the other boxes don’t count for much!

I love these points I came across a few days ago that Marianne Williamson shared on love…

  • Love is real, nothing else exists
  • Love is all that matters
  • Forgiveness is the key to happiness
  • Love is who you are, if your withholding love, you can’t be happy.

So don’t settle for someone who is not ready, trust your gut, trust your intuition ( both of mine told me to walk away a number of times ), own your own part in the relationship ending, learn the lesson, feel the pain, what does it reveal to you, what is it calling you to understand? Make amends, make changes, forgive and spend time alone to do the work on yourself.

Do things that make you happy and nurture the love within you, for me that’s been a lot of yoga, meditation, journal writing, spending time with good friends, walks in nature, red wine ( in moderation ), eating well and listening to my favourite music.

Our true nature, who we are, is to love wholeheartedly and fearlessly without any fear or doubt. So don’t be afraid to want it, to ask for it, to feel it! If it’s not happening now in your current relationship, let go, walk away, open up your heart to the unknown, it will be worth the wait. x

Day 30 New Experience- Be your own guru!

Can blogging about a new experience every day for 30 days boost creativity? This is the question I wanted to find out when I set myself this challenge 30 days ago. Will I feel more insightful? Will ideas flow more freely? Will good things take place? Will the challenge improved my mental and emotional wellbeing? Will I feel happier? Will I gain more clarity? Honestly… the answer to all of these questions is YES!

When I started this challenge, I’m not going to lie, there was an element of pressure that I felt in trying to find something new each day to blog about. But after a week in, when it came to picking something, I realised that new experiences were not hard to find, they happen every day without much effort at all, all you need is awareness.

Over the last 30 days, I do feel like I have become a lot more insightful, I’ve definitely learnt more about who I am. I feel a lot more self aware, a lot more in tune with what has been holding me back, what I need to change ( in my mind ) to consciously grow in to a happier, more loving human being.

More than anything, this challenge has made me become more aware of how I am living. Becoming a witness to what’s happening in my day to day, rather than taking it for granted, has actually inspired me!

I’ve learnt that every day, every new experience can offer something positive, it all comes down to your mindset, how you choose to see the world, glass half empty or half full sort of thing, the choice is always ( and only ) yours.

So if you are feeling uncertain, unhappy, I highly recommend taking the simply action of becoming more aware of what you are experiencing in your day to day. Take some time to reflect at the end of each day ( meditation or journal writing is awesome for this! ). Maybe start your own personal challenge for 7 days, and write down your thoughts and feelings and see what comes up, you might learn something new about yourself, that changes everything!

By becoming a witness to life, each new experience becomes a lesson that will teach you something about who you are. Being mindful will help you grow, it will connect you with your unique being, the limitless love that you have within you, pure conscious awareness, your own inner guru!🙂

Day 29 New Experience- Feel good stories

Every event that unfolds in the present moment, is an experience to teach us something. To help us love who we are, to expand consciously and enjoy life.

Who I was in the past, what I experienced, what I believed, is not who I am today, I know this, yet lately I’ve been noticing that my subconscious loves digging up my sad stories from the past and effortlessly voicing them in the present, which when dating, can make me seem like a bit of a head case!

It’s no surprise really that my latest date has unfortunately gone quiet and pulled away, but in a way, I’m grateful because the space has got me thinking…why am I bringing up my sad stories and limiting beliefs from the past when we are together, I don’t do this when I’m single? Why I am self sabotaging my dating experience!?!

Could it be, by repeating the sad stories and limiting beliefs in every relationship, I now bring up the crap unconsciously? Rather than let them go, I’ve held on to them. I blame the guy when it doesn’t work out, which means when i’m single, my toxic beliefs just go into hibernation, which explains why as soon as I start dating again, they resurface.

Well today i decided that enough was enough, it was time to a ‘limiting belief and sad stories from the past’ detox. So I jumped in the car, drove out to the mountains, and while walking in nature ( I believe mother nature is very powerful when it comes to nurturing healing ), I allowed every sad story, limiting thought, belief and past experience to surface in my mind.

And in the forest, with no one around but my thoughts, I realised that when it comes to love, I had been holding myself back, I had been my worse enemy.😦

As I witnessed my thoughts, I also witnessed the sick feeling in my stomach, the tightness in my chest, the tears that wanted to fall down my cheek ( pain and discomfort I’ve chosen to ignore in the past ). I didn’t hold back, I allowed it to all to unfold. I fearlessly allowed myself to feel all of it. I cried, I laughed, I yelled and most importantly I loved.

I reminded myself that who I was in the past, is not who I am in the present. In the present I am whole, I am strong, I am wise, I am beautiful, I am kind, I am fun, I am compassionate, I am fearless, I am love.

With every thought and feeling that surfaced, I focused on my heart space, I imagined the lightness within me expanding, going out to everyone and everything ( including the latest date who’s disappeared ) I told myself that I am not my sad stories and my limiting thoughts and beliefs. I told myself… I AM LOVE.

When I choose to feel love, when I remind myself that love is who I am, all the limiting beliefs and sad stories from the past ( and the future ) dissolve away and I create a new story that’s awesome! A story that is filled with optimism, excitement, joy and love.

A feel good story, that I choose to believe🙂

Day 28 New Experience- Know your limiting beliefs

The story you have about who you think you are, the story you continue to tell yourself, is the only thing stopping you from achieving your dreams.

Today I experienced a talk by James Colquhoun, founder of Food Matters, where he talked about the importance of knowing your limiting beliefs so that you can change the story you tell yourself, changing the way you live.

Hearing this got me thinking about the limiting beliefs and stories I tell myself that continue to hold me back. The belief that my body isn’t good enough for a loving relationship, that I’m not smart enough to start my own business and be successful, that I’m not wise enough teach mindfulness and meditation.

Every limiting belief, limiting the potential that’s within me.

So what can you do to bring about change? Well firstly, it all starts with self awareness, being mindful.

  • Become a witness to the story playing out in your head
  • Do a reality check when it comes to the limiting beliefs you tell yourself, do an inventory, ask a friend, write them down, only then will you understand what is holding you back
  • Get out of your own way, you’re the only one that is going to stop your own success
  • Play with fear, use it as a way to expand your consciousness, your effectiveness on the planet
  • Don’t let money define who you are, don’t get addicted to cash, instead get addicted to your purpose
  • Approach life with an unstoppable enthusiasm, bring optimism to everything you do, know that its going to be difficult, and be ok with that
  • There is always a greater purpose, you are just unable to see it yet, so be patient when things don’t go your way, approach challenges with a smile on your face, knowing that everything is always unfolding perfectly

We all have the potential within our minds to live the lives we want to live. Being more self aware, knowing your limiting beliefs and changing the story you tell yourself, has the power to change everything… the sky is the limit!🙂

 

Day 27 New Experience- Believing I’m lovable

I’ve been hurt many times in the past when it comes to dating, I’ve been lied to, manipulated, cheated on, or as soon as I feel trusting enough to drop my guard and open up, it’s not reciprocated and I feel like a fool who expressed love to a brick wall.

So in each new experience of meeting someone new that I like, there is a fine line of me of wanting to remain guarded to feel protected, but also knowing that in order for someone to warm to me, I have to be vulnerable and open up, trusting that this time it will be different.

In the past, I would put so much weight on how the person I was seeing would react to me, how they would respond and behave, especially when I shared something deep and meaningful. I would re-read text messages and emails trying to over analyse every word that was said. I would mentally grade every response, trying to figure out if we were on the same page when it came to our feelings.

As I found myself recently slipping back in to this old way of thinking and behaving, I quickly realised what I was doing wrong. Rather than feeling good and enjoying the experience, I was questioning if I was lovable.

I wanted to share this honest post because I feel its so important to be reminded of this. When it comes to relationships, why do we often question if we are lovable? I feel it’s because we forget who we are.

Who we are, when we remove all our limiting thoughts, beliefs and past experiences, is a pure conscious being filled with love. If we understand this, if we take a moment to be mindful, close our eyes, breathe, become a witness to our true essence, we can create a beautiful loving space where we can feel it, where we can be reminded.

In our mind we create our reality. We can either choose to think we aren’t loveable, and that we need someone else to make this decision for us, or we can choose to simply believe that we are!

When I choose to believe that I am lovable, because my true nature is love, I have nothing to fear when it comes to dating, instead I feel bloody good about myself!

They say love attracts love, which is why its so important when dating to not doubt your lovability, to not wait to be told, but just believe wholeheartedly that you are… because you are!🙂

Day 26 New Experience- Parking fine #2

I opened up my letter box today and was shocked to find a parking infringement notice from the council, claiming that a few weeks ago, at around 6.18pm, I had stopped on a clearway, and because of this offence, I now need to pay $152.00!!

If you’ve been following my blog, on Day 12, I received a $76 parking fine attached to my car windscreen, but seeing I hadn’t done anything wrong ( the parking ticket I had paid for had blown off the car dash, so the parking inspector wasn’t able to see it ) I was able to calmly dispute the fee, and happily get on with my day.

But this second parking fine wasn’t left on my windscreen, this sneaky parking fine was sent out to me in the mail. And this second parking fine, I couldn’t get out as I had done the wrong thing, so this parking fine I had to pay!

A couple of things happened to me when I first opened up the letter, firstly I was very shocked ( I hate feeling like I’m in trouble… not to mention another parking fine in less than 30days?! ), secondly I was annoyed ( I hate paying fines, i’d rather spend the money on buying new shoes or clothes ) and thirdly, my mind went straight to detective mode, where was I at 6.18pm on the 29 April? Was there a possibility that they could actually be wrong, is there anyway I could avoid having to pay?

After checking my Google Calendar, I quickly figured out that on that evening, I had driven a friend to the movies, and yes, mistakenly I had parked on the clearway, 12 mins before the space would have been a free parking space. Parking inspectors are ninjas in Australia!

As soon as i could feel the uncomfortable emotions ( anger and frustration ) boiling up within me, I took a moment to tune in and witness the conversation that was going on in my mind. ‘Shit, why didn’t I check the parking sign, I could have easily avoided this, I can’t afford to be throwing away $152 at the moment, I can’t believe this has happened to me!’.

Then with mindfulness, i was able to do this… ‘Oh well, it is what it is, my mistake, it’s only money, worse things that could have happened, I’ll definitely be extra careful now when parking to avoid this ever happening again’.

Through practising mindfulness/ self awareness, I realised that choosing to get upset didn’t feel nice, so instead I chose to accept the situation, learn from it, smile and enjoy the rest of my day.  :)

Day 25 New Experience- Rejoice in the present!

My yoga teacher shared this idea today during class, to rejoice in the present moment, not just be aware of being present, but embrace it fully, get excited about it!

I loved hearing this, what a beautiful, yet simple notion. So often we are consumed with thoughts on fixing ourselves, thoughts on how we could improve our lives, needing or desiring something in the future to make us feel better, rather than just being happy with what we have right now, in the present moment.

In this present moment I rejoice in my heart beating, feeling connected to the universal source of energy that is life! Simply feeling alive, being a witness to it all unfold, I let go of the worry, I enjoy the moment, I feel happy, I feel love, I feel joy, I’m excited!🙂